This one is dedicated to all them single moms and dads out there:
Parenthood is supposed to be a “full time” deal, right?…or not? Truth is there is a high percentage of kids that are currently going back and forth from one household to another. Sad reality!
There are countless situations in which kids become the shared “assets”. And with this, there are two realities: the mixed feelings that you encounter as a parent and the indescribable thoughts that may go through a child’s mind as they are driven from house A to house B.
There numerous studies that cover the development of such kids who live this monthly ordeal and how they evolve later on in life. And while I agree that the kids are incredibly important, I still ask myself: Is there any space for us parents who have to struggle with the undefined feelings of seeing our kids go away or leave them with the other parent? Lets face it, if you divorced that other “party” then there is a good chance there are circumstances that make you uncomfortable with the idea of leaving our children with them.
Bottomline, there will never be a perfect way of dealing with this situation, but somehow society assumes that we must be super moms and super dads and just know how to handle that situation without breaking down in the midst of it.
We are humans, allowed to feel, allowed to break, as vulnerable as our kids are… Personally, making a note that I’ve had my kids with me ALL the time, I have been going through this lately. Have to say that, while they are away, I try to keep myself busy, my heart is distraught throughout the entire “weekend” that they are separated from me, my mind is in “neutral” mode, I feel my body is just floating in the air with nothing substantial to pull it back down. Have never had a similar feeling before. The solution? Well, unfortunately, there is not recipe for this. It is truly imperative that we wake up and smell the coffee though, making the best out of the time that we do have our kids with us, ensuring we attend to their needs, not only physical and things they want but emotional, ensuring that we do our part as responsible and loving parents and not show them the turmoil that is destroying us inside. Perhaps there are some parents that are very used to the routine as well as their kids, I admire them in a way, although I still wonder what is inside if you were to peel that cover? But I know that there are many others like me, who are just not used to that situation…I also wonder: will there be a time when it becomes “normal”, will my kids every forgive me for all of this, will I find peace?
For now, I’m trying desperately to take one day at a time, enjoying every second I have with them, enjoying every “tuck in” bed at night, every whisper in their ears in the morning saying “good morning”, every opportunity to sit down and do homework teaching them, and many other situations that are taken for granted in “normal” households.